Dry Spells and Rough Patches

We all have them.  Bucko and I have been in the midst of these little monsters for a while now.  I feel like I've been waiting for some DD themed infomercial with the cure to my pesky dry spell and rough patch problem.  Wouldn't that be awesome?  Three easy payments of 19.95 plus shipping and handling to solve all my problems.  Plus a free gift thrown in as well.  

We all know life doesn't work that way.  The only way to solve problems is to work through them.  (I've tried that ignoring thing and it doesn't really do the trick.)  Bucko and I have both been busy, we've both been tired,  but the funny thing is the only person who has felt unhappy or discombobulated was me.  Bucko seemed content to just relax and wait for things to find a way to settle.  I wasn't.  I worried and fretted.  It's what I do.  I feel as if allowing myself a moment means going back to the dark place.

I worried that we were losing our footing.  I worried that he was unhappy with the way life was at the moment, despite repeated assurances to the contrary.  I want to speed through the rough parts so that I can assure myself that things are okay. See, that's what I do too.  No matter how good things are, or how long things are good for, one bad moment shakes my confidence.  Square one is a scary place.  It's a place I don't want to go back to.  In order to avoid square one I worry that everything has to be perfect.  I'm great at turning mole hills into mountains.

I'm my own worst enemy.  I spend so much time worrying about making sure everything is perfect and being overly critical that I don't see that square one is miles behind me.  These rough patches are a big deal.  I have good reasons for them, but I still make them worse than they need to be. I teased Bucko that maybe he should spank it out of me.  His sage response was, "You can't spank a fish for swimming, babe." 

He's right.  My thought train is going to run no matter what I do, but I have to figure out a way to keep myself from getting on board.  I also have to figure out how to not get so upset with myself when I do get on the train.  It's a little hard when you feel like this sometimes:

Today was a better day.  I had a good moment.  I feel a little more confident than I did the day before.  I'm not sure how long it will last, but for the moment I'm going to try to just enjoy it.

What I have learned from this experience is that Bucko has way more confidence in me and us than I do.  He sees the progress and the good things when I don't.  Now I just have to try to make myself see what he does.  Well, challenge accepted.