I Like Spanking You

"Should be the title of your next blog post," He said.  "Because that is what I want you to take away from all of this.  You aren't a burden, I wouldn't do it if I didn't want to.  I like spanking you." 

The other night Bucko came home and announced that it was finally time for my birthday spanking.  Apparently there is no statute of limitations on that sort of thing.  

"March yourself back to the bedroom." 

"Can I just walk? Marching requires rhythm and you know I'm not really good at that sort of thing." 

"Cute, woman.  Very funny.  Get going."  


We headed to the bedroom and once I was "settled" Bucko announced that we had a lot to talk about.  We had the fun birthday spanking and then something serious to discuss.  Huh? Bucko say what now? 

Bucko proceeded with the birthday spanking.  It was fun, but way more than 31 spanks.  Then apparently asking your HOH if he forgot how to count, only gets you more spanks.  We ended up cuddling and giggling.  Life was good and that was the end of the "festivities" for the evening.  Or so I thought.

"Alright back over.  It's new rule day."

"Huh?  What are you talking about Bucko." 

"I have a new rule for you, and the best way to institute a new rule is to make sure you have good motivation not do it again."

"You can't make up rules all willy nilly, like that." 

"I'm the HOH.  I can totally make up rules all willy nilly like that.  Back over."

Back over I go, and on we go with the spanking.  He pulls out the small bath brush, which he was using rather lightly at the time, and proceeded to announce that now it was a rule.  No more rolling my eyes at him.  Hold your horses, Bucko.  I tried to tell him he couldn't make a rule that was impossible for me to follow.  He said I better learn to try.  Some where in the midst of this "discussion" I caught a case of the giggles.  Evidently, giggling during a spanking is just as bad as yawning.

"Apparently you aren't taking this seriously enough, up on your knees."      

Bucko's new favorite spanking position is with him on the bed and me over his lap, but up on my knees so that just my chest is touching his lap.  It makes me feel vulnerable and presents a target Bucko seems to like.  I swear it makes it hurt more too.   A few more spanks and yes Sirs later we are done with this spanking.  We established that this was another arbitrary rule, like the no being a smart ass rule.

I was close to tears, but ended up stopping just short.  It was a little frustrating being so close to that moment of release and not quite getting there.  I didn't say anything to Bucko at this point.  He's been doing well on his own, and I hate to say anything and ruin that.

After "new rule day," which apparently Bucko loves new rule day, we were cuddling and talking.  Bucko asked me what was wrong.  He's so good at reading me, he just seemed to know.  I told him I felt there were other more important established rules that I felt needed to be taken care of before we moved on to rules like no eye rolling.  He asked for an example and I told him that I felt we weren't following the rules about my blood sugar well, and that I felt I couldn't do it without his help.  He said it was hard for him to do since it wasn't something he was doing well with himself.  Then he laid down the law for both of us.

Then he asked why I hadn't brought it up before.  I did something new then.  I didn't say I didn't know.  I told him the truth.  I said that I didn't want to feel like a burden.  I told him I see that look on his face that says he doesn't want to "do" this.  That's when it happened.

"I like spanking you," 

"I know you like it sometimes, but I see that look on your face.  The 'oh great now I have to spank her' look." 

"No you see the 'oh great now I have to punish her' look.  I don't like punishing you, but I like spanking you."

"No you have that look even when it was for fun."

Well before I knew it I was back over his lap and he was spanking with that brush much harder than before.  He told me I was not allowed to tell him what he meant or felt.

I immediately got angry and told him to stop.  He didn't want to at first, but once he saw I was really upset he did so immediately.  I told him it wasn't fair to ask me what I thought and then get upset at what I said.  How can he expect me to open up and share my feelings if that's the result.  

"You can tell me I misinterpreted, but you can't spank me for what I feel.  That's not fair." 

He stared at me brush in hand for a long moment, before he agreed with me.  He apologized and invited me to cuddle.  I could tell he was upset with himself, and I assured him I was fine.  I know he dislikes making mistakes as much as I do, but this bump in the road seemed to lead us to a good place.  The talk we had cuddling was great.

"It's okay, honey.  I'm fine really.  I just wanted you to understand how I felt." 

"I know.  I don't like hurting you.  So I beat myself up for a few minutes, but I'm okay now." 

"I know this is all hard for you.  I just don't want you to get upset and quit." 

"That's not going to happen.  It's still new to me, but I'm not giving up on it.  I don't like hurting you, but I like spanking you."

"I know you say that, but I know sometimes it seems like it's not what you want and you are only doing it for me."

"I will do a lot for you, but most of the time it's for me too, and I don't do anything I don't want to.

"Okay well 90% me and 10% for you."

"It's not exactly 50/50 but it is way closer than 90/10.  Spanking you keeps you calm, balanced, happy, and with me.  What wouldn't I like about that?  Besides, your butt looks really good pink."     

The tears came then, and he held me while I cried.  There was some laughter through those tears too. It was an emotional roller coaster to go from fun spanking to role affirmation to almost discipline and then all the emotions from talking.  It was a bumpy ride, but it left us in a good place.  The last couple days have been really good.  I guess he really is in it for the long haul.  I thought it was something he did for me.  I thought he was suffering through it, because it made me happy.  Turns out I was wrong.  He likes spanking me.