One of Those Days

We all have had one of "those" days.  The days where anything that can go wrong does, and just when you think the sky is about to clear a storm comes out of nowhere, but it only appears to be raining on you.  This month has seemed like a never ending string of "those" days.  Bucko was having a long string of "those" days too.  It seemed like we just went into survival mode.  We buried our heads hoping to emerge when "those" days had passed.  Guess how well that worked?

For those of you who guessed not well, Ding! Ding! You are correct.  The last week or so has been especially terse in the Bucko and TL household.  DD seemed to be on the back burner.  Neither of us seemed to have the time or the energy to follow through.  It seemed like taking the time to do TTWD was just too much and one more thing we didn't need on our plate.  The funny thing is, I think it was exactly what we needed.  We needed to clear the air and clean the slate, but we just didn't do it.

I know it sounds more than a little cray-cray, (it took me a long time to make my peace with the idea) but I need the spanking.  All that keep calm and whatever stuff just doesn't work for me.  The problem is when we get busy DD is the first thing to go, and when it does I have nothing to rein in stress and anxiety.  Normally it happens so quickly that I don't even notice.  This time I felt it.  I was spiraling out of control and I knew it.  I was distancing.  I was rapidly becoming a witch on wheels, and there was nothing I could do about it.

I know what you are thinking.  Sure I could have gone to Bucko and said, "Hey there big fella break out the paddle and help a damsel in distress out here!" Easier said than done.  The other thing is, and I know the man isn't a mind reader and I'm being unreasonable, but I don't want to have to do that.  I want him to know and do it anyway.  I want him to notice and fix it.  The problem with that is I'm not always sure how to fix it.  Sometimes spanking works, and sometimes I really do just need some space.  I want Bucko to know more about me than I do myself.  I want him to know which is which and when to do what.  Is that fair, of course not.  I know in my head that I can't get mad at him for not being a mind reader and knowing what I want when I don't know myself.  That doesn't seem to stop me from doing it.

If there is one thing I have learned in the past year it is that expectations can be a dangerous thing.  Often I have a preconceived idea in my head of how things should go and when they don't go that way I'm upset.  No, I don't tell Bucko about this ideal, I just expect him to know what I'm thinking and what I need him to do.  He does the same thing.  Many times, I don't react to the same stimuli the same way.  One time something will be fine, the next it sends me spiraling into one of my PTSD meltdowns.  Our expectations often lead to hurt feelings on both sides.  It's something we are working on.

At any rate, the month of May (the month of Meh!) as it has come to be called in our home seems to be a never ending string of those days.  This weekend was a long weekend.  We were hoping the extra time to relax would bring an end to "those" days.  Saturday was the laziest day I think I've ever lived through.  We spent the entire day sleeping.  Not in bed, literally sleeping.  I think we only got up to eat and pee.  Yesterday we needed to get things done.

The day was headed toward another day of coexisting with little connection.  This time I knew how to fix it, but I couldn't bring myself to come out and say it.  So I did what any self respecting DD wife would do.  I poked the bear.  Yes, bad TL, I baited my husband.  I was whiny and demanding.  I pointed and ordered him about until I pushed the right button.  I then ended up over my husband's lap getting, what I can admit now, was a long overdue spanking.  Just as suddenly as it began it stopped.  I could still feel the tension radiating off my person.  I think it was worse than before, because the spanking had brought all those feelings to the surface.  So when Bucko asked if I was ready to try again, I did.  I poked again.  Round two went on for a little while with a stronger implement.  Still when he stopped I felt short changed.  These emotions had been building for a long time and no run of the mill spanking was going to get the job done.  Round three seemed to have Bucko getting the message.  This time I was squirming (I always kick and wiggle, but this was serious escape mode) and pleading with him to stop.  He didn't.  When he finally did stop I was in tears.  That never happens, at least not during the spanking itself.  Bucko held and cuddled me for a long time, assuring me that the month of Meh was over, at least in our house.

When we went out to do errands we seemed much more like the couple I was used to us being.  I was soft and yielding and he was protective and attentive.  We were playful for the first time in ages.  I did poke the bear again, but it was more in that playful teasing manner we both enjoyed.  What I wasn't expecting was to be pulled across Bucko's knee in the parking lot (we were parked far enough back to be alone) and spanked right there in the car, but I was.  Twice!  The second time with my skirt up and everything.  Bucko assures me he stopped when another car pulled up, but I did give him a dirty look anyway. It seems Bossy Boots Bucko is back.  

The rest of our day was filled with playful smacks and loving attention.  It was one of those amazing days.  Those are the kind of days I like. By the end of it  I was feeling much happier and more loved than I have in ages, even if I was watching Doctor Who with an ice pack on my bum.  

Today my backside is sensitive, and yes it has been thoroughly smacked again, but Bucko and I are doing well.  He has decided that my being home for the summer will provide him with the time to administer daily spankings.  I'm a little worried about the amount of follow through attached to that, but if it means no more months of Meh, I'm all for it.  Here's hoping for less of "those" days and more of those days like yesterday.