Promises

I've mentioned before that Bucko and I are trying to have a baby.  This month was met with another disappointment as my monthly visitor showed up right on time.  I admit this month I didn't have a good feeling, so I wasn't surprised.  I was still disappointed.  This month Bucko was too, and this time it seemed like there was more to it than just him being upset that I was disappointed.

We aren't losing faith, though it's a struggle.  I am at a stage where I'm angry a lot.  I see friends and some not-so friends on facebook with babies and I have a compulsive need to punch someone in the throat as one of my blogland friends puts it.

Up until now it has seemed like I was the one trying to have a baby.  Bucko was more laid back.  He was all for the process of making a baby, and if the baby came great.  If not, that was okay too.  Lately, that has changed.  Bucko has taken more control of the situation.  I have been checked by the doctor and he is going tomorrow.

Today I went to the diabetic counselor.  We are both diabetic and irregular blood sugars could be causing a problem when it comes to making our little Buckaroo. (Not to brag, but how cute is that?)  That also means that when (Note I said when not if.  Look who is keeping the faith and thinking positive! Progress!) I get pregnant it will be a high risk pregnancy.  Diabetics have healthy babies all the time, I just may have to give myself insulin shots to do it.  I am a big wuss about checking my blood sugar with the finger stick.  Insulin shots are not going to make me a happy camper, but you have to do what you have to do right?

I have another appointment with the doctor this week.  We'll see where that goes.  Right now I have meal plans in hand and a book of information to read downloaded on my Kindle.  My spring fling challenge may have not worked out so well, but the summer challenge is on.  I called my Bucko after the appointment to let him know what was going on.  I was a little worried and scared, because some of the information made me a little afraid that this was going to be even harder than it has been.  Bucko said we'd take care of it, then told me he had to get back to work.  A little while later I was greeted with a text.

"Make half the chicken, one can of the soup, one cup of rice, and the rest is all veggies." 

This is pretty strictly following the meal plan I was given.  I wasn't expecting an immediate start since we hadn't gone shopping yet or anything.  Normally for changes like this I have to say, you know you will have to help us with this, right? I was suitably impressed with my Bucko's resolve.  Even more so when I got this text.

"I love you babe.  Whatever challenges we face I promise I'll lead us through them and we'll be fine. :)" 

I know it sounds a little silly, but this text brought tears to my eyes.  There is something about the way he just stepped up to take care of our family that really got to me.  I feel safe and more secure that we will work this baby thing out together.  Once I got myself together there wasn't much to say so I sent back...

"I know, babe.  I love you too."