10,000 Pageviews and a lot of Spankings

I knew this day was coming.  I have been seeing the page view counter go up and up the last few days, and today it reached that magic number, 10,000.  That amazes me.  I find it hard to believe that so many people have come to take a peek at my random musings.  I know at least 100 probably belong to Willie, who helped me get rid of the "hands on the cart" rule, but I'll take it anyway.  I want to thank you all for sharing in my journey.  The love and support I have gotten here has helped me through some rough patches.  Bucko has gotten a big head from the wonderful comments about him, but we both appreciate it.  You guys have done wonders for his confidence and mine. Even if you aren't commenting or following, and I'd love it if you did, you are a welcome addition to my little world.

You all know I have been in a rough place lately.  Things are getting better.  I'm not all the way there yet, but there are moments of peace and they seem to be lasting longer than the moments of darkness the last few days.  (Knock on wood, or whatever I am supposed to do to keep from jinxing myself.)  One of the things that has helped, other than being able to rant to all of you, has been the ability to reconnect with my husband. 

 Has anyone else ever noticed that the moment DD isn't at the forefront a fear kicks in that says it's going away?  The strange thing is it didn't really go away for us.  Life was hectic and there weren't enough hours in the day for the maintenance I require.  I guess you could say I'm high maintenance. Looking back I now see that just because Bucko wasn't spanking, doesn't mean he wasn't leading.  We were both doing what needed to be done.  He wasn't enforcing rules, because I wasn't breaking them.  I was just so discombobulated and out of sorts I needed to connect with him, and there wasn't time for that.  Damn, that mustard seed went and wandered off again.

Like I mentioned in a previous post, Saturday was filled with fun reconnection spankings.  Sunday included a few more, and a few other failed attempts.  Again I was able after a time to go back to Bucko.  It seems to be getting easier.  The feeling of failure doesn't last as long, but I still want to feel like a success in this regard.  Come Monday I was feeling more secure in his role and mine, but I wasn't entirely convinced that the work week wouldn't bring more of the same life stuff and disconnecting that we'd faced in the previous weeks.  

Bucko came home a little later than his usual time Monday evening.  (Strike One)  I had dinner ready when he came home and we watched some TV.  My back was hurting and I was in a bit of pain. (Strike Two) Bucko being the sweet guy that he is gave me a nice long massage.  I got excited thinking maybe he would do reconnection then, but it was not to be.  He said first I had to do my therapy homework.  I hate therapy homework.  I know it is needed, but I it's not something I want to do and I didn't want to in that moment.  Bucko didn't seem to think "I don't wanna," was a good enough reason and he left the room.  I did my homework.  By the time I finished it was late and I figured it was off to bed.

It was, but not before I ended up over Bucko's knee.  Again another light hand spanking.  It wasn't terribly hard, but it was enough to make me feel connected to my husband and to know that things weren't backsliding.  Nothing else came of our reconnection time.  We didn't get to dance our dance, but I went to sleep feeling more at ease than I have felt in a long time.   Bucko called earlier to say he was getting out of work on time tonight.  Here's hoping. :)