Challenge Accepted

I've often been told I express myself best through writing.  I like to think I have a way with words and a unique way of putting my own spin on the world.  However, the struggle has often been with my confidence in that arena.  Who wants to hear the strange (and sometimes bat-shit crazy) ramblings of a teacher who married her best friend?  Maybe nobody does, but I think I've reached the point where I can write for me.  I don't feel really comfortable sharing the innermost secrets of my life with some of my friends and coworkers.  Clearly random strangers on the internet are a better choice.  Just go with me on this people!  Thanks to the inspiration of Stormy, Rogue, Christina, Chelsea and a long list of other brave souls, I'm giving this a shot.  Challenge accepted: Look out blogland here I come.

To those of you wonderful people who haven't gone running for the door, router? facebook?  What does one run to on the internet?  I'll start with an introduction.  I'm a simple girl.  I grew up in a broken home in a small town.  I met my best friend in elementary school.  We grew up together, and he's a wonderful man that I have always adored, though I left the poor guy in the friend zone for the better part of twenty years.  Growing up the way I did, I knew all the ways love could go wrong and I didn't want that for us. Eventually I came around and channeling REO Speedwagon said "I can't fight this feeling anymore," and we were married.  He is a wonderful man.  He's laid back and mellow, my intellectual equal, and my opposite in almost every way (except for maybe our combined level of nerdiness.)  He provides a balance in my life and a stability I didn't know could exist.  Over the course of our twenty something year relationship we have perfected the art of playful banter.  One of my many terms of endearment for my darling husband, whether I am annoyed with him or not, is Bucko, as in "move it bucko!"  "Watch it bucko!"  and even the occasional "love you bucko." He takes it all in stride with a laugh and smile.

Things have been going along swimmingly for Bucko and me since we tied the knot, but something was missing.  I needed more.  I have always been the adult in my life.  I have a type A get it done kind of personality that makes me driven and successful.  It also makes me a stressful wreck and a royal pain to be around sometimes.  I have never wanted to depend on anyone for anything.  Those type of relationships don't work out, or so I thought.  But then the question became, when is someone going to help me out for a change?  When is it my turn to be taken care of?  I realized something through reading other blogs on TTWD.  I am capable of taking care of myself, but sometimes I don't want to.  Sometimes I need someone else to take the reins.   That realization, however, came with another one.  I had to ask for help.  Say what now? 

I tried several times to make the words come out, but my normally strong and commanding teacher voice just wouldn't cooperate.  What if he thinks I'm weird?  What if he thinks I'm nuts?  Or worst of all What if he leaves?  Yep, there it is folks a fear of being abandoned by the man I love.  That was what it all boiled down to.  I had to face my fear.  Bucko knows pretty much everything there is to know about me from my obsessive love of the color pink to my irrational fear of baby alligators. (That's another story for another post)

Alright TL, put on your big girl panties and let's do this! I was being very inspirational in my inner monologue.  Picture Eye of the Tiger playing and a very uncoordinated 30 something girl running up some stairs with a paddle in hand.  It was moving.  Really!  I digress.  Anyway one day out of the blue I took the plunge and told him what I wanted/needed.  Blurt it out quick before you lose your nerve, kind of like ripping off the band-aid. 

So he was a little confused.  "You want me to do what now?" "But you are a grown woman?"  But no running and screaming.  We explored LDD (Thanks Clint and Chelsea) and a few other blogs.  After a little while, he agreed to give it a shot.  And that takes us to the present moment.  Are things perfect? Heck no!  Bucko and I are struggling to figure out the balance and how things work in our new roles, but we are trying.  That's what it's all about right?  Accepting the challenge and making it work.  Well challenge accepted.

So much for the brief introduction, but there it is.  I would appreciate comments, but please be gentle I'm new at this!  Thanks everyone for the support in advance.

TL