Changes

In the past few days a question has been raised on the forums that caught my attention.  The first part of this question is does being a part of a DD lifestyle change us?  Does being a DD husband or wife fundamentally change who we are? I found this conversation intriguing and felt compelled to throw my two cents in on the matter.  This is in no way an expert opinion, but what I have observed in my limited time with this lifestyle.  As Bucko and I progress the opinions I offer today may well change, and new blog post will be written when and if that happens.

The question of DD changing who we are is a scary one.  I think it is especially so, perhaps for a wife or husband who is just presenting this idea to a spouse.  No person wants to go to his or her spouse and say "Hey I love you and all, but if you could change everything about who you are that would rock my socks!"  We love our significant others, we wouldn't have chosen to spend our lives with them otherwise.  So a lot of guilt can come from asking them to potentially change.  

From what I have seen in my short experience with TTWD that isn't what we are asking of each other, and the result is not some dramatic personality change that leaves the one you love hardly recognizable. Bucko is a laid back, easy going kind of guy.  That hasn't changed and frankly I wouldn't want it to.  The introduction of domestic discipline has not changed him from the wonderful man I fell in love with.  I have asked him to lead our family, to express his opinion and guide us in the way that is best for our marriage.  That isn't changing who he is; Bucko has always had that voice I'm just asking him to exercise his right to use it.  He has not asked me to become less of the strong opinionated woman I was before TTWD.  I still have a voice in our marriage and always will.  In fact, I think Bucko and I are better partners now than we have ever been.

What I have seen change is the way we interact with each other.  Bucko is more confident in asking for what he wants, and so am I.  We do not have endless rounds of "I don't know what do you want to do?"  We spend much less of our time frustrated with what the other did or did not do, but get the job done together.  While Bucko is the guiding force, the responsibility of making our marriage work falls to both of us.

What has changed is not us, but our behavior.  Bucko works hard to help share the load of responsibility.  He makes sure tasks are taken care of so I'm not running around like a crazy woman.  I am more open with my praise of things he does well, and more mindful of how my words come across to him.  I can still express my thoughts as I always have, I just don't have to saddle up my broomstick to do so. I think we are more respectful of each other.  It seems like we are growing closer to each other.  We are not two separate entities going about our business, but rather a united couple.

This type of marriage requires growth and change, but I don't think it requires any partner to give up who they are.  I would like to think that isn't what TTWD is all about.  I think the shift allows us to change our behavior and bring out the best in each other.  

That's just my two cents.  I welcome any thoughts you all have on the subject.