Not Sure What to Say

I didn't think this moment would come so soon in my blogging experience, but here it is.  I'm not really sure what to say.  I feel compelled to write, not really for any other reason than writing makes me feel better.  I love reading the comments and getting support here, but really I just enjoy the chance to get my thoughts out.  Writing seems to help me make sense of me, though I'm not sure how much sense that really makes.

This week has already been emotionally draining.  I spent the day today exhausted and thinking it was Thursday.  Imagine my surprise and disappointment when I found out it was only Tuesday.  What?  Three more days of this until the weekend?  You are kidding me right?

This weekend was loads of fun.  Enjoyable time spent with Bucko hanging out and holiday shopping.  Monday, unfortunately, was met with stress.  Monday was the day I dreaded the most, because it meant therapy.  I suffered some childhood trauma that puts a strain on my life and sometimes my marriage.  Let's just say I don't have baggage, I have the matching hot pink leopard print matched luggage set complete with wheels.  I've kept my past to myself for a long time.  Bucko didn't even know until well into our dating phase in college.  Considering we met in elementary school, he was kept in the dark for a while.

Therapy means talking about my issues.  Laying them out on the table and really looking at them.  Bucko is a saint and often goes with me during these sessions.  He doesn't say much, but just sits there listening to my teary (I hate crying especially in front of people) confessions and holding my hand through it.  Sometimes I wonder how he does it.  Despite my worries that one day he will hear something that will push him to the nearest exit (Dammit mustard seed where did you go now?) he never waivers.  He always says he's proud of my progress.  He goes back to work and on his way home brings home dinner.  He doesn't want to add the extra strain of cooking and cleaning on such an emotional day.  He uses his authority as HOH to make sure I do my therapy homework, and allows me to fall into him when it's just too much. I don't know what I did to deserve him, but I'm glad I did it.

Guess I had more to say than I thought.  Next time I promise something light and funny.  Maybe it's time to write about baby alligators.