A New Name for a New Place

You aren't lost or in the wrong place.  I have changed the name and layout of my blog to reflect the new place I have found where I have currently found myself.  

These moments of revelation seem to come out of nowhere and inspire me to write and change things based on what I find.  I think my old blog title reflected the place I was in when I started, and is no longer relevant.  

When I started this blog and this journey I was on a mission.  I felt like there was this place I had to get to.  When I got to this place everything would be perfect.  Nobody said it was going to be easy, but I had to keep on trudging through until I found this place.  Once I arrived everything would be as it should be.  It was all about getting to this place.  Now I see things differently.

I won't say that I'm suddenly this new person.  I'm not.  This isn't some magic revelation that changes the world.  It's just a sudden insight that lets me look at the world differently.  What matters most to me now isn't the same thing that it used to be.  It's no longer about getting to this perfect place.  

When I used to look at my life I wanted to see a you are here map.  I wanted to see where I was and how much further I had to go to get to the magic place where everything was perfect.  Now I realize that place doesn't exist.  It suddenly seems to me that my own expectations were getting in my way.

When I look at life now I don't see the map, but I do see a road.  It's long, winding, and you don't stay in the same place for very long.  Life is full of moments.  Some are good, and some are bad, but none of them last forever.  Instead of seeing my life as some grueling march up a huge hill, I see it more like a road trip in a convertible.  Sometimes it's going to rain.  It happens.  I realize now that my moments of peace and happiness seem so fleeting, because I spend most of them worrying about how long it will be before the storm comes.  Now I am more willing to just put the top up and keep driving. I won't say completely willing because let's face it I'm still a work in progress.    

I am spending more time holding Bucko's hand and enjoying the sunshine on my face.  If we come to a roadside stand with rotten fruit, I am trying to be strong enough to let Bucko lead me back to the car.  

I spent more time than I care to think about struggling to get to this magic place that doesn't exist.  Seeing how well that worked out, I think it's time to try something new.  I still want to do some passenger seat driving, and for now I'm okay with that too.  I still worry about getting "there," but then I realize there isn't a "there" to get to.  I am working on reminding myself that it isn't about "there," it's about me.  I struggle with reminding myself that I have access to the tools to be maybe not happy, but at peace, whenever I need them.  Thankfully, I have Bucko and all of you for that.  Now I just have to keep reminding myself to let go and enjoy the ride.