Sometimes it just happens. Things are going along fine and boom, you feel like you are knocked on your rear end looking up wondering what the hell happened. I had that moment today.
Things were going along fine this morning. Bucko and I had a recombobulation meeting, since I was feeling a little off. Things were fine afterwards and we were ready to go about our day. Then it happened.
I won't go into specifics, but lets just say something happened that touched a nerve. As soon as it happened, Bucko tried to touch me and I pushed away. My first reaction was anger. Anger at him for doing it in the first place, and then anger at me for letting it get me this upset. I walked away. I went to the living room where I was able to shed my tears and try to start sorting out the thoughts.
Bucko came out to apologize and again tried to touch me. I tensed up and pushed him away. I know what you are thinking, the guy is trying and I should cut him a break, but right then I couldn't. I was angry, hurt, and scared. I asked him to go away, telling him I needed space right now.
He is now off cutting the lawn and I am sitting here trying to sort out my thoughts. I am hurt and angry, but I'm also scared. I saw the look on his face as he walked out the door without a word. He looked wounded. I feel wounded. I worry this may be the start of wounded wife syndrome for us. I do intend to go to him, but I needed to clear my head first.
I feel calmer and more ready now. As hard as this is and as upsetting as it was when it first happened, I can't help but see progress. Six months ago I wouldn't have dreamed of going to back to Bucko with this. I would have taken my space, stuffed my issues, and pretended nothing was wrong.
I have been trying not to worry about when something like this would come along and shake the ground of this new place I find myself in lately. I can't help but think this is almost a good thing. The moment was scary, but I am more confident that we will get over this and things will go back to the good place again. Maybe? At least I hope so.
It's about learning to let go and enjoy the ride.
Hi TL, I am sorry that you have had a bad moment, but sweetie you can make that all it is, just a moment. You have come such a long way, you can see what is happening and you know that you want to change it. Go now to Bucko and ask for help, it is what he wants to do, simply look after you, so go and tell him you need him. Follow his lead from there and trust that he knows you well. lots of love and sympathy
ReplyDeleteJan.xxxxx
It seems that it was just that... a moment. We are in a much better place now. Thanks for the kind words. :D
DeleteDespite what others may say, we can't always control our actions when it concerns something we are dealing with on and on going basis. Often it is a knee-jerk reaction. I love how quickly you are turning this around. I am sure sitting in the room alone it didn't seem like it was quickly. You are certainly a changing woman. You should be so proud of yourself.
ReplyDeleteAs for WWS. Nope. To me this is WWM a wounded wife MOMENT. HEY, I coined the term, I do believe I get to 'judge' if it is appropriate when it is used *wink*. I think all WWS can start out as WWM and only grows to the former if we don't communicate effectively with each other.
Sounds like your moments alone allowed you to find a way to move forward with communication.
As for the fear of falling. It happens. That fear is founded because we have done it before. I think of mountain climbing...um not that I have actually ever been. You and I are perhaps at a rock face that is very slippery, so yes, we may fall, but it doesn't mean sliding to the base of the mountain anymore. It means slipping to the previous plateau we achieved. Not fun, but not the worse thing in the world, because we should be able to climb back up to where we were faster this time, as we know our footing.
love ya, willie
You can bill me for the copyright. :P It seems though you were right. (I don't know how many times I've said that lately but this madness needs to stop.) It was a WWM. Bucko seems to be just fine with his hat and I'm feeling better and more secure. I just needed a minute to get over being angry and the feeling of failure.
DeleteThis mountain climbing thing sucks sometimes. We need to find an elevator.
Love ya,
TL
I am clearly not the best person to comment on this post. However, I love when you said "...I am more confident that we will get over this and things will go back to the good place again." You're not going to let yourself stay in the scary moment. That speaks volumes.
ReplyDeleteIt's a work in progress, but at least it's progress.
DeleteHi TL. I'm sorry you had (as Willie said) a WWM ... but, I'm so glad to see the positivity here. That you feel calmer and ready to go to Bucko which is something you wouldn't have done previously. You are right, there has been so much progress and it sounds as though your time alone has given you both time to process.
ReplyDeleteI am sure you two will work through this and be able to reconnect.
((Hugs))
Roz
We were and it happened much quicker than I expected. Thanks Roz for being such a great support.
DeleteHugs,
TL
Courage is being scared and doing it anyway... You are one of the most courageous women I know. Eventually, you are going to get far enough in the process that you guys aren't just going to be discussing how you felt, but how he felt and how both of you.... BOTH of you can avoid this or move quicker through it..
ReplyDeleteThank you, Dana. I don't feel very brave, but I'm trying to be. Your words give me a lot of hope.
DeleteHi TL,
ReplyDeleteI think everyone goes through times when their spouse does or says something that hurts them. Even if whatever happened was unintentional, we all have feelings that can be sensitive sometimes, especially when talking to and interacting with the one you love.
Sometimes a little time alone to think about things is all that's needed for things to calm down. Your husband may be "wounded" (as you put it), but he'll appreciate you coming to him and opening up about things. It sounds like that's all he wants from you. He just wants you to be happy, and he wants to "fix" whatever is bothering you.
You two will work things out, and DD will be there to help you both through it.
-- Clint
When you deal with sensitive situations and past traumas it seems like it is easy to be hurt and hard to get over. DD has done wonders for making me more confident in Bucko and made it easier to go back to him when I have one of my moments. We were able to talk things out, and we're doing well now. Thanks for reading.
DeleteTL, when it comes to healing from the past, there may always be things that just can't be done. They'll always make us panic and need to be alone. I still can't have my husband come at me in the dark, and he still can't reach for my face too fast. This will probably never change. It isn't something you control. You're not purposefully doing this. It's a gut reaction. {{{HUGS}}} The great thing is that you're going to go to Bucko and talk to him. You know you're going to get through this. You are making progress, and I hope it's not demeaning to say so, but I'm so proud of you! You are making so much progress, and in such a short time. You may not be proud of you, but you really are doing so great at growing.
ReplyDeleteIt's not demeaning. It makes me feel like I am doing something, when other people notice. Sometimes it's easy to get so lost in your own stuff you don't see how far out of it you really have come. Thanks for noticing and saying so. It means a lot to me.
DeleteI hope that you are already back in your good place as I type this.
ReplyDeleteBea
I am. Thank you!
DeleteHi TL
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry you feel hurt, but you said something very positive yourself, you guys are so much stronger now, and will deal with this and move on :) believe in yourself honey x
I am feeling much better, and things worked out well for us. :D
DeleteYou said it already TL! Six months ago you would not have written this post or even considered taking your thoughts back to the lawn mowing man. You are approaching the fears so differently now.
ReplyDeleteI hope you two were able to have a good talk when he came in.
Sending hugs!
It was a good talk. He wasn't as upset as I thought, and he seemed to understand where I was coming from once I explained. We are doing pretty well now. :D
DeleteHugs,
TL
Half the battle is knowing what we feel and deciding how to handle it, and not letting that fear control us. Don't beat yourself up because you had the moment of fear - it's not always conscious. But you did the hard work or not letting it run away with you, evaluating it, and resolving to not let it define you. You did well and you should be very proud of yourself. I bet after you went to Bucko he was proud of you, too.
ReplyDelete(((hugs)))
Sometimes it seems like it's enough just to notice the pattern. Things are good now. We are both feeling much better.
Delete